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I am one of a kindI had thought about starting this on the first of the year, but then realized by doing that I am only putting it off, making excuses, finding reasons not to start.

Thus I am starting 2 days before Christmas.

Why am I starting this blog? Because I have finally realized that I need to love, accept, and  take care of myself and the only way I can do this… is to actually start.

I have for years been able to convenience those around me that I am happy, bubby, self-confident, strong woman… yet they don’t know the real me, they only know the facade. I am not this all around happy person. I fight my depression every day, my emotions, my self-esteem, my fears of success and failures etc.

I am not this happy person, I smile a lot, I seem happy, I help others, I point out the positives in life,… but that doesn’t reflect the emotional turmoil going on inside and I want to change that. I want what I reflect on the outside, to be how I feel on the inside.

I want live without the facades, and to be able to accept all of myself. To be happy with who I am and to no longer just pretend to be happy.  I want to learn to love myself completely without reservation. I want to be strong not just pretend to be strong. I want to face my fears, and to finally not allow them to control me.

I want to control my life, face it with a smile on my face that comes from within.. and to find joy in being me.

Thus I start.

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