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worrying

Christmas Eve is difficult for me. Spending time with my mother’s side of the family is pretty rough. Usually the days prior I start to worry about x-mas eve wondering what will transpire. Wondering, will I get through the night without any deep scars to remind me of the evening?

My family tends to pry into my life which makes me pretty uncomfortable. Add in I tend to feel like I am lacking compared to my cousins since I am not currently in a full time job, married, nor do I have a family.

So I have decided to change my tune this year… I have decided instead of worrying about what could happen this year I am going to be thankful for what is happening.

  • I am thankful that my family cares enough to ask me what is going on
  • I am thankful that I have a family to share Christmas Eve and day with
  • I am thankful that by asking the hard questions my family shows me (mirroring) that which I am most scared of, most ashamed of
  • I am thankful for realizing the areas that hurt because those are the areas that I can choose/will work on.
  • I am thankful for the food, drink, conversation that I will have with my family
  • While I am ashamed of where I am in my life… I can be thankful that my family wants to extend themselves to try to help (even if they really aren’t able to)
  • I am thankful that I have my parents/brother to travel with.
  • I am thankful for the things I don’t even realize that I have.

So I have decided not to let my family scare me this year, to not allow them to shame me, to not allow myself to feel shamed, to hold my head high and choose to feel good about myself
I am choosing to take control of how this Christmas Eve affects me and to not allow myself to worry about what could be… cause it is never as bad as I think it will be.

So this year.. I choose not to worry about that which I can’t control.. and to choose to enjoy what I have instead.

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