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AngerRambling:

One thing I have a hard time doing is letting go of anger. Something gets under my skin and I seem to want to hold on to it, rework it, think about it from every angle. I can feel the anger/emotions coursing through me, my body taut, my shoulders/back tight, ready to react if need be(even though I haven’t a clue how to fight). My mind ready and able to be responsive if given any indication that it needs to be.

I sit here wanting so badly to react… but I have been good so far. I haven’t reacted and just kept my mouth shut.

I got this email from my brother  – titled WHY?

“Please don’t start altering the climate of my room and the entire upstairs without asking.   It really bothers me when I start sweating in bed and wake up because of it.”

To which I wanted to respond this way but didn’t

A few things

  1. I haven’t touched the thermostat in over a month.
  2. It is colder outside, thus the heater kicked more than normal last night which is why you felt it.
  3. I tend to be polite before I change something that could affect another, but I don’t have to ask… I choose to.
  4. Don’t assume/blaming me for something you think I did.

P.S. – Your friend is the window, open it.

….

I choose to just not respond, cause I know it isn’t worth it. He is leaving today and thus there isn’t any need to get into it.  I also know he wrote it at 6am in the morning, thus he was whinny and it came across in the email.

So I know all of this, I know to walk away… I am doing darn good at that one. I have learned what to react to and what not to… go me.

Yet emotionally I am still holding on to my anger, I want to strike back, I want to say stop the poor me/whinnying bit, I want to get angry.  My reaction stems partly from the email, and partly by  how he has been acting all weekend. He has been trying all weekend to tell me what I should do, and getting in my face about it so reading this email sort of set me over the edge.

So the thing I am struggling with is how to let go of the anger, stress in my body cause I am choosing not to react thus I have no outlet for the excess emotions that have built up.

That is what I am struggling with now… the emotions running through my body and also the fact that I allowed myself to get this stressed out about it. That I should have/need to learn to cut off the anger before it reaches this point.

Cause right now it is affecting my happiness. It is affecting how I feel about things right now, it is affecting my body, my sense of self.. and that isn’t what I want.

Thus I need to figure out how to let go of anger and not allow it to build and take over things.

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