My internal clock, the one that has decided the time line of my life is ticking. It is almost like I can feel it pulsing inside of me.
Around the age of 24… I can remember that things had been so bad that I made a promise to myself that if things didn’t change, if life didn’t get better,and if I wasn’t happier by age 40 that I would just walk away from living.
My thought process was that if things didn’t change by age 40 that I didn’t want to spend the rest of my life living in misery, it wasn’t worth it.
I can remember I wanted so badly for things to get better.. but had no way of making it happen, and so I threw out to the universe, sort of a plea to help change my life from where it was. I had no idea how to change my life, and I needed help. Big time.
I look at things today and everything that has occurred, and I am amazed at my process. By what I have accomplished, the person I am today, and how close I am to achieving my goal that I set out when I was 24… to just be happy.
And I am thankful
Over the past 6 months especially I have been feeling this internal/external pressure to learn how to love myself and be happy without being able to grasp why it was occurring.
And it was only today that I realized that I have an internal clock, that my desire at age 24 to be content, happy with myself, and loving myself by age 40 is in the works. And while that is a few years away… it threw me for a loop to when I realize why I am feeling this internal push and why it is so important to follow it through with it.