My life is evolving, changing before my eyes, moving in different directions.
I have been fighting change for over a year, I was scared of it. I didn’t want to face it, didn’t want to be part of the change. I wanted to stand still for a bit… so I did. Completely still.
I found a partner who enabled me/I didn’t listen to towards the end especially who kept me right where I wanted to be. It was a healthy relationship for my sense of self, I grew leaps and bounds internally…. but outside of myself i didn’t grow.
And that sounds like I contradiction… cause one can only grow internally right? well not when you put your life on hold, and don’t do anything to pursue life. I just existed… nothing more nothing less.
So with the changes that are occurring, I have to admit that I am starting to live life again… that I am starting to pick my head out of the sand. (I do an amazing ostrich impression)
and start to live my life. I am getting excited about it, I am starting to feel the fire in my belly sort of thing. (well maybe not yet.. but something is cooking there) I feel different, I am starting to feel like I can on the world.
Mind you some days are better than others, and some days I feel completely down and depressed but most days… I feel better, stronger than I have in the past year.
And I am wanting to explore more, I am wanting to try more, I am wanting to see more of the world. While I am not there yet in doing all of this just yet, the fact that I want to… is huge.
I feel a bit like a butterfly coming out of its cocoon, where I see the world in a whole new way.
grins… if I am looking to buy dishes for a new place, that is huge. It means I can see myself getting a job in the near future, and a place as well. And while that might sound too hopeful, I think I am on the right track to making it happen.