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Rambling…

I am an introvert… I love being by myself plain and simple.

After being with people all day… I need time to shut down, shut out the world , let my guard down, relax, and to not have any requirements made on me.

But it is more than just being an introvert, I am an empath too.

empath1

I feel other people’s emotions, as they wash over me to the point that I have found I need to:

  • Shield myself from stronger emotions.
  • Constantly check to make sure I am not overwhelmed.
  • Not involve myself with people who are emotional vampires
  • Not project my own emotions onto others.
  • Center myself
  • Watch my stress levels
  • Etc

Yet even with doing all of this, I get greatly affected by other people’s emotions as they wash over me/through me throughout the day.  And because I am living at my parents house, I don’t have the ability to do a full shut down where I close out the world and allow my body, mind, spirit, emotions… take a day off and unwind. I am constantly feeling on edge at my parents, it is as if any given moment they might call and ask me to help with something and/or be angry at something I haven’t done.

I have tried to explain why I need to shut down… but parents don’t get it.  They think when I say I am taking a shut down day it is a joke, that why in the world do I need a shut down day when I haven’t (in their minds) done anything.  Yet they don’t get how overwhelming it is to deal with people, how much I have to process their emotions, how much I need to block what they are feeling, how much I absorb from everyone around me and I need to almost decompress to remove the excess build up of emotions.

And right now… it is bad, I feel the tension in my shoulders, my arms, my body, my neck cause I haven’t been able to shut down completely since moving in with my parents in November. The tension is painful, tight, and is not allowing me to relax.

I really really just want a weekend away from everyone… and trust me I have thought about going to a hotel for the weekend but then I would get yelled at for spending money that I don’t “have”.

I can’t really get into mediation at my parents house… because living here I feel the stress I felt when I was a child. While I don’t have the intense fear that I used to.. there are still emotions that come up. Add in I just don’t feel completely comfortable being at my parents, it is as if I need to keep my guard up a bit to protect myself.

Thus I can’t shut down.. I can’t relax, I can’t use ways I have used for years to

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