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I should be excited that I am getting a car right? It means independence, it means being able to take a step out on my own, it means being able to drive where ever and when ever I want without hassle. It means being able to have freedom… so why am I reacting badly?

I could be.. that I am not sold on the type of car… that part of me is going this is a good car, at a good price, with great mileage. But it doesn’t call to me, it doesn’t feel like my baby… and yes I am one of those that my car is an extention of me.

It doesn’t feel right.. but I don’t know if that is because when I drove the car I had my coat on.. thus it didn’t feel comfortable… maybe I should have/I know I should have stopped somewhere to take off my coat to verify how I felt in the car… really felt.

I don’t know if it is cause I am used to borrowing my parents cars which have all the gismos and gagets … and I am addicted to the heated seats and not to have them is going to be hard.

I don’t know if it the layout of the car… ie the cars I have been borrowing have great layouts… and this car has an ok one.. not the greatest. Strangely the older model had a much better layout in my mind which is one of the reasons why I was willing to give it a go… this one doesn’t have the best layout.

sigh… it isn’t like my last car was high and mightly… shit.. it had no power doors, no power windows… but it had a tape deck and it served me well and I loved it.  I could have gotten a car that had all the power windows and doors, and such… but I wanted the car I bought.

Sigh.. I have no idea what is going on.. am I pmsing? seriouslly shouldn’t I be happy to be getting a car especially when my parents are helping?

I am not sure if that is it. I think I am just trying to fit into what is expected of me, and/or fit into a box and it just isn’t working.

I feel just really sad… and I don’t know why. I feel like I want to cry…

but then again lately I feel like I want to cry about a lot of things…

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